After the listening to the bayaan of Haji AbdulAzeez Attari on 'Death' i made sincere tauba.But now as the time passes i think the sincerity has diluted.The shiver i felt after the bayaan, is no more.I can still hear the voice of weeping and crying people while bayaan was delivered,i too cried that day,but now no effect has remained.I'm once again into this world,the bad world.
i know I'll be dead one day,i fear from the punishment of Grave,day of judgment and the hell but i don't know what still propels me toward the world.
I'm an orthodox sunni i have read so many books on death,big one like Sharh Al-Sudoor,Tambeeh Ul-Gaafileen and other small booklets by my Guide Ameer-e-AhleSunnat.When i read the book i can feel the cold in my body but once the book is over i'm back to my senses.
when there is no use of reading while i'm reading them?,when i cant learn some thing why I'm wasting my time?Imam Gazali wrote in his book 'Ayyo Hal Walad' 'There is no use of collecting books and reading them,unless you gain knowledge and follow them' and 'On the day of judgment the fellow who had the knowledge but didnt follow it will be the one the most punished fellow'.
Same Imam Gazali wrote in his book 'Arbaeen Lil-Gazali' that 'if a fellow have knowledge and he donot act upon that and passes it to other,then it is good because though he is not able to gain benefit from his knowledge at least someone else has'
the contardiction has let me confused.Any how i should try to rectify my self at any cost.Hope ALLAH will bless me to be Good person soon.
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